Perfect is the Enemy of Good
I work in Information Technology and I feel like sometimes, we have a tendency to try and deliver the “perfect” product to the customer. Whatever system, application, or customer experience we are trying to deliver, it has to meet every single requirement, be delivered under budget, on time, and have no bugs. The problem is that “perfect” is pretty much close to impossible to achieve in real life, and if we spend too much time trying to create the “perfect” product, we will lose in other areas (for example, we could take an extra 6 months to fine-tune and polish a product that’s already 95% complete, but is that 6 month delay worth missing out on months of sales? What if a competitor releases their app into the market and by the time our finely tuned & perfect product is released, the competition has already snatched up all our customers?)
I’m not advocating for rushing sloppy, half-baked solutions into the market either - that would be on the opposite end of the extreme - but what I am trying to say is that usually, you don’t need to be “perfect.” You just need to be “good enough.” I’ve found this to be true in both my personal and professional life. For example, in college, I might spend hours studying for an important exam. At some point, diminishing returns kicks in - I might learn 90% of the material after 3 hours of study, but to learn 95% of the material might require me to study another 1.5 hours, and to get to a 99% I might need to study an additional 2 hours. At some point - is an extra 2-3 hours of studying worth an extra few percentage points on the exam? It all depends on your personal goals and what other responsibilities you are juggling. For me - I’d be perfectly happy with a 95% (an A grade) and choose to spend the rest of my time and energy focusing on something else, or studying for an exam in a different class.
The point is - very rarely in life does being “perfect” actually matter. And I’ve found that understanding this concept was very helpful in my own OCD recovery journey. OCD, by its nature, is a “perfectionism” disease. We get triggered by something, which causes a spike of anxiety, and then we have to perform compulsions over and over again until everything feels “just right.” Oftentimes these compulsions or rituals will be strange behavior that we have to execute “perfectly” in order to make the anxiety go away; otherwise, we feel like we have to restart the compulsion all over again. Chasing that “perfect” feeling or trying to do the compulsion “perfectly” is a big reason why so many OCD sufferers get stuck with this disorder.
Furthermore, when it comes to OCD recovery, we can also get trapped in the “perfectionism” fallacy. When doing ERP, we might believe that we have to eliminate 100% of our compulsions immediately, and that any other result is a failure. This is a dangerous mindset, because ultimately, perfectionism is impossible to achieve, and if you’re always beating yourself up or calling yourself a failure because you “didn’t perform ERP 100% correctly”… well, it’s hard to dig yourself out of that hole.
So what I wanted to say in today’s blog post is this: Don’t be perfect. Be good enough. What “good enough” means is highly personal to every individual, but as an example, maybe you are brand new to starting ERP and trying to cut out compulsions. Don’t make your goal “Eliminate 100% of compulsions” right off the bat. That is an unrealistic expectation and will only set you up for failure. Instead, make your goal something like “Eliminate 50% of my compulsions in week 1; then in week 2, eliminate 60% of compulsions; etc…” You need to gradually build yourself up and learn to be kind to yourself, because when you are first starting ERP, you will not be perfect. You will fall into bad habits occasionally; you will give in to compulsions in some moments of weakness. And that’s OK. Instead of beating yourself up about it, or calling yourself a failure, or thinking that you’ve set back your ERP progress irreparably, choose to move on. All we have is this present moment, and in this present moment, you can choose to do the right thing - which is mindfully focus on valued action. Dwelling on previous mistakes or fixating on potential future worries does nothing to help you in the present; instead, focus your time and energy on doing things which build you up.
I wrote in a previous blog post that “Recovery is an Action,” because living mindfully is something we all choose to do. If you are practicing ERP and fall for a compulsion, beating yourself up or chastising yourself is not helpful, nor is it mindful. By doing so, you are dwelling on a mistake (in the past) and judging yourself/attributing your self worth to this perceived failure. Instead, choose to move forward! Yes, you made a mistake or performed a compulsion, but in this present moment now, you can choose what you want to do with your time and energy. Do you want to spend more time and effort ruminating on the mistake or performing senseless compulsions? Or do you instead want to spend your time and energy doing things which add value and joy to your life? We always have this choice, no matter how much OCD tries to convince us otherwise. No intrusive thought, or negative feeling, or big uncertainty, can stop us from living our life and choosing to do the things which we value.
So as you go through your own personal OCD recovery journey, I would encourage you to remember this quote: Perfect is the Enemy of Good. You will trip and stumble sometimes, as did myself, as did thousands of others across the world who have battled OCD. The point is to be kind to yourself and don’t view minor setbacks as colossal failures - instead, view them as opportunities to learn and practice mindfulness. Learn to practice acceptance and non-judgment, both for your intrusive thoughts, and for your own self worth. Recognize that even if you perform a compulsion or fall back into a bad habit temporarily, it does not invalidate all of the work you’ve done on your recovery journey - rather, it is an opportunity to instead practice mindfully living and choosing to do the right action in the present moment, rather than dwelling on a mistake in the past. And as you practice this more and more consistently, you will find that it becomes easier and easier to disregard OCD compulsions and just focus on mindfulness, acceptance, and gratitude. And once you’ve achieved that mindset, you have the tools and the skills you need to beat OCD.
As always, if you are struggling with OCD, I hope this blog post has helped, and I’m always happy to answer any questions or just chat if you wanted to talk about your own personal experience with this disorder. Wherever you are reading this, I hope you are having a great start to your weekend, and remember to treat yourself kindly and to celebrate even the small victories against OCD!
Eric